Don't Get Me Wrong
by Kira of the Akatsuki
Summary: Apparently the Universe and Logic thought it would be funny to throw me in another dimension. SI. Male!OC.
1. Chapter 1

Don't Get Me Wrong...

Summery: Apparently the Universe and Logic thought it would be funny to throw me in another dimension. SI. Male!OC.

Chapter 1: Universe and Logic Screws Me Over

（≧∇≦）

The smell of coffee and bacon entered my nose. My favorite smells. Coffee and Bacon. I got up from my queen sized bed, not bothering to put on a shirt or pants. What? It's my house. I have the right to walk around in my boxers. I entered the kitchen to see my gorgeous girlfriend cooking bacon.

"No matter how many times I tell you I'm a vegan you still cook bacon." I said with a grin.

"It's funny you said that. I was just cooking for myself." She replied back.

I made a fake pout.

"You were not going to share?" I said in a whiney voice.

"I already knew you were a vegan." She rolled her eyes, "You just have a fetish for smelling bacon."

"Awe, you caught me." I said as I got a mug.

"Were the heck is the sugar and cream?" I complained, "Black coffee is freaking nasty."

"We ran out." My girlfriend stated plainly.

"Ugh! Why the hell would you make coffee, tease me and all, and not even think do we have sugar or cream?" I needed my flavored, yummy, coffee.

"Just kidding. It's on the table." She grinned at my reaction.

"I hate you."

"I love you too."

I grabbed the sugar and cream and fixed up my coffee.

"And for god's sake woman, put some clothes on."

"I would say the same to you." She snapped back.

I brushed off her comment and put the mug of joe on my lip. The blazing hot liquid went down my throat. I sat the mug down and gave a satisfied sigh.

"So I was thinking..." I started.

"That's usually bad." She replied, coming to the table with her nasty bacon.

I sent her a glare before continuing. "I was thinking about an anime marathon tonight?" I offered her.

"Black butler?!" She said, her eyes flashing with glee.

"Nope."

"Hellsing?"

"Nah."

"Don't tell me it's Dragon Ball Z?"

"I got over that."

"Oh...don't tell me it's'..."

I grinned as I stood on my chair.

"Naruto!" I did a warrior shout.

"Oh god," My girlfriend face-palmed.

"Get the popcorn ready, call Dave, gather the plushies, and make sure we have instant ramen." I said to her, tossing her my wallet.

"Why Dave?" She sighed, oh how she hated Dave.

"Because Dave is freakin' awesome." I replied with a deep voice.

"You know I hate Dave." She sighed again.

"So I've heard. Stop being a square, become a circle, become one of us." I said with all seriousness.

"I'm in love with a freakin' idiot." She murmured.

"An idiot who wants you to call Dave this instant." I said in a sing-song voice.

"Whatever."

（≧∇≦）（≧∇≦）（≧∇≦）

"What do you mean he's...not available?!" I shouted. I was mad. I was out raged.

"He haves a life too." She said. I pouted and sat down on my couch.

"Listen, I know your upset. So...after the marathon...if your still awake..." She got behind me and started to rub my shoulders.

"We can watch Power Rangers together?" I said in a fussy tone.

"Yeah..." And then cue the disappointed sigh. I'm not an idiot. I know what she wants. But I can't let her know that. I like to play with people's minds.

"Well, Part one or two?" She said as she looked at the disc.

"Part 2, always." I said.

"Always..." I heard her repeat.

"Don't you have to go to work?" She asked.

"Oh fuck."

（≧∇≦）

I was a business man. Believe it or not. I wore the suit and tie, I had the brief case and everything. I rushed out the door before giving my girlfriend a kiss on the cheek.

"Try to convince Dave, please. And make sure Naruto is on when I first walk in? Okay? Love you." I heard her mumble back an 'I love you too.'

I rushed out the door, going to the elevator of my apartment. Once I reached the floor I needed to be on and rushed out the building.

"Are you okay, Mr. Smith?" I turned to the voice, "Oh, what's up, Alfred. I'm late to work."

Yeah. Laugh it up. The building's butler name was Alfred, also know as Batman's servant. He even looked at him. It was like a very good—almost creepy, cosplay. I got in my car, throwing my suitcase in the backseat. I started the engine and got going. I turned on the radio, changing the stations.

Then Lady GaGa came on.

Sue me.

I'm a little monster.

I freakin' love her.

I might love rock, but Lady Gaga gave me feels.

"Do what you want with my body!" I had my windows rolled down and there was a red light. The person in the other car gave me a weird look, and rolled up there window.

"Say what you want about me!" I sang loud , the wind crashing in my hair. I was living the life.

That until the Universe was feeling like being a jackass and a car flew at me. Not literally. But it was coming fast.

I felt it hit me, I felt the air bag suffocating me, I felt my ribs stab my heart. I heard the sirens. But I couldn't breath.

Oh shit, I was dying.

Everything sounded hazy, it sounded muffled.

My heart started to beat faster without my control. That's when the voices stopped.

That's when everything stopped. Only to start up again.

"Be quiet!"A voice yelled.

Suddenly, I felt the presence of many people around me. And I also suddenly felt very cold...

And naked.

A warm hand pressed against my forehead.

"He's freezing." A voice muttered.

That voice sounded familiar. I was tired. My eye lids didn't want to open up. But they did anyway.

I was greeted by the female breast.

Huge female breast.

Lovely female breast.

"Ah, he's up." A voice chimed.

I try to look at the person's face, but my eyes were glued. There was only one person I know who had the size of breast this woman had Tsunade.

But... Noway.

"Holy fucking shit." The words just spilled out my dry mouth.

"What language." The voice held amusement.

"How are you feeling?" Tsunade asked, standing up strait.

It took a lot of will power to pry my eyes off her breast, but I did it.

"Like shit." I replied dryly.

"You should feel like shit. I found you in a river." I turned to the voice, surprised to see...Shizune?

"Was I naked?"

"Nah. But Hokage-sama here stripped you to see if you had any damage in places we didn't know about." Shizune replied with a ting of pink in her cheeks.

"Do you remember anything?" Tsunade asked.

Here's my chance to do something. To say something.

"Not at all."

Oh crap, I screwed it up.

Universe and Logic, if you were going to do this to me, why have me an civilian man?

"I found this hitai-ate around your neck for Ame." Shizune said.

Yes! I love you, Universe.

"But since you don't remember anything, we might have to renounce your duties as a ninja."

Awe, fuck you Logic.

（≧∇≦）（≧∇≦）（≧∇≦）

END.

Of the first chapter. Tell me your thoughts. Continue or no? Isn't refreshing to do a Self Insert when it's not a girl? I say. Next chap will be longer!


	2. Chapter 2

Note: Enjoy this chapter. This is mostly for the people who reviewed the last chapter, and pretty much loved the idea of a male SI. This is my gift to you. To be honest, I really want this story to become popular. And before anybody ask, this is set in early Shippuden time. I won't give much away.

Kine X: An ass-hole? Hahaha. Yeah, that's just his personality. He's very laid back and speaks his mind, sometimes coming off as an ass-hole, I suppose. I hope you keep reading, though :)

Bored411: That's what I thought when I searched SI. It was always a girl. I wanted to find a male one, but no avail. So I gift FanFiction with a wonderful Male SI. Tsukiyomi83: Your very welcome :)

BakaAndTensaiProductionz: I mean...who wouldn't?!

UnderTheDeepBlue: I know right? Thank first reviewer.

（＾∇）

She had a point, though. If I was going to be a ninja, I had to know what I am doing. But I really want to be a ninja.

And when I wanted something, I got it.

Yeah, call me a spoiled little bitch.

"Tsunade," I started.

"That's Lady Fifth to you." She snapped at me.

"Sorry, Lady Fifth," I started once more, "Maybe I can go to the Academy here? You know, get my ninja knowledge back."

Tsunade held a thoughtful look on her face before frowning.

"A grown man in The Academy? Do you know how bad that would look for Konohagakure? Also, you don't even belong in this village, you belong in Amegakure. That's a lot of paper work for a man with amnesia." Tsunade went down a list of why my idea was no where near good.

I pressed my lips together.

"Ah, you have a point there, Lady Fifth. Maybe you should let me spar with one of your ninja, maybe I can tap into my ninja abilities. No paperwork involved, Lady Fifth." I smirked.

"You want to be a ninja badly. I bet you don't even know how you look." Tsunade noted.

"Not at all." I grinned, I really had no idea.

"Very well then." Tsunade turned to Shizune, "Bring Sakura in. Tell her to bring her things for a spar."

I felt a wash of giddyness wash over me. But then again, Sakura can smash me to the ground if I say the wrong thing.

"Oh, and Lady Fifth?" Tsunade raised an eyebrow, showing that she's listening.

"Can I have a mirror?" I asked.

She nodded, handing one over to me.

I looked at my appearance... I looked nothing like my...old self.

I had black messy hair, replacing my brown color I had before. I had grey colored eyes instead of blue. My skin looked pale instead of a light tan. My jaw was about the same. A white bandage wrapped around my head tight.

"I bet your hungry." Shizune said softly as she walked up to me.

"Very." I said with a nod.

"I think you have enough strength to come with me to get some Ichiraku's Ramen." Shizune's cheeks turned bright red.

I had the urge to lick my lips. Ichiraku's is suppose to be the best food ever.

"Let's go!" Then I remembered my naked state.

"After I get some clothes." I grinned sheepishly.

（≧∇≦）

Me and Shizune were walking down the busy streets of Konoha.

"Just like New York." I muttered under my breath as I walked next to Shizune.

"Here we are!" Shizune smiled as we sat down.

"Shizune-san?" A voice said behind us.

"Sakura-chan. I was just looking for you." Shizune smiled at the pinkette.

"Aha. And who's this?" A sly smile crossed Sakura's lips, "Surely your date." Shizune's cheeks flamed as I just smirked.

"This is..." She turned to me, wanting my name.

My real name was Damian. So something similar to it won't hurt.

"Daichi," I replied.

"Daichi? Nice to meet you. I'm Haruno Sakura." Sakura smiled blissfully.

Sakura turned to Shizune. "You said you wanted to see me." Sakura raised an eyebrow.

"Hokage-san wanted you to have a little spar with Daichi here." Shizune replied.

"After this meal." I chimed in.

"Of course. Sakura-san, please make sure training field 7 is available." Shizune asked. Sakura nodded, leaving.

Ayame came up to me, her eyes in curiosity. "I believe I haven't seen you here before, Sir." She said to me.

"I'm new to the village. May I ask your name?" I asked, I already knew it, but I am a gentlemen.

"Ayame..." She said slowly.

"Daichi." I responded, trying to give my most flirtatious smile.

Ayame's face turned red and turned to Shizune.

"S-Shizune, what would you like?" Ayame stuttered over her words.

"Miso Ramen please." Shizune said.

Ayame turned to me, "Your best."

Ayame nodded and came back quick with two bowels of ramen.

It smelt like heaven, looked like heaven, let's hope it taste like heaven.

I parted my chopsticks, and gathered many noodles. I stuffed it in my mouth; slowly chewing. I swallowed and stared at the bowel.

It...was...freakin'...

Disgusting.

I tried not to show my expression as Shizune happily slurped her own.

"What type of ramen is this?" I ask Ayame.

"Pork. Isn't it good?" She smiled.

Pork.

I'm vegan.

Pork.

In my system.

"Yummy..." I said, my stomach doing flips as the pork hit my stomach, "I'm so full."

I said, even though I still had a whole lot of ramen left.

Shizune had finished her ramen. "Let's head to the training field," Shizune said, getting up. She paid then left.

"See you later, Ayame." I said, waving at her.

Once I was out, Shizune scolded me. "I hope your not a flirtatious pervert. Tsunade doesn't want another one in her life." Shizune lectured.

I knew who she was talking about.

Jiraiya.

My rolemodel.

"A pervert? Oh please...that's an understatement."

（≧∇≦）

We headed to Training Field 7 right away, surprised to see Sakura already there with Tsunade and the ANBU who was in my hospital room.

"I suppose your ready?" Tsunade asked.

Nope. "Of course, Hokage-sama." I replied with a nod.

She gave Sakura a nod, indicating something I couldn't recognize.

"M'Lady told me not to go easy on you." Sakura said seriously.

"I'm not aloud to hit a-"

"Finish that sentence and I'll punch you to Iwagakure." With that threat, I never did finish my sentence.

"Begin." Tsunade said.

Something in my head snapped. I went into a battling stance immediately, my body doing it's own thing. Sakura came at me with an chakra infused fist.

"Cha!" She shouted almost like an warrior. I moved out the way, tripping her up. She got back up, and from there on, it became a taijutsu match. My body acted on it's own, like it had a automatic button. I dodged, and sometime's threw a kick or punch. Never once did either of us use ninjutsu. For one, I'm pretty sure that's not her thing. Two, I don't know how to do that. So a taijustsu spar is fit for both of us.

"Enough!" Tsunade shouted.

Sakura stopped, breathing heavily, sweat all over her forehead.

I backed away, sweating but not breathing hard.

"It is clear you are a Taijustsu specialist." She started, "Your stamina is superb, as you are not breathing hard."

"So can I be a ninja?" I asked breathlessly.

"Paperwork is in order. Whether you shall remain a Ame citizen or switch over to Konoha." Tsunade explained.

"Can I answer that right now?" I asked.

"You do not wish to think over your decision?" Tsunade raised an eyebrow.

"Nah. I want to stay here. Ame is such an depressing place. And I'll save you the paperwork," I grinned.

Tsunade kept her face strait, "Fine. But, still, as a man with amnesia, you'll have to see one Yamanaka to look inside your mind," Tsunade warned me, I bit my lip, shouldn't be that bad...right?

"Until then, you'll be given a temporary apartment-" Tsunade started but was cut off.

"Excuse me, M'Lady, but we should test his abilities as a ninja by coming on one of Team Kakashi's missions." Sakura offered.

"Sounds good to me." I countered.

"I suppose. You will meet up with them tomorrow. After your meeting with an Yamanaka." Tsunade sighed.

I grinned; Thank you Universe,

"But you will have to still go through many medical test and observations to see if this is permanent."

Damn it Logic.

（≧∇≦）

END.

Review! So here is a preview into the next chapter!

Preview:

"Tsunade, I change my mind!" Panic rushed over me.

"Nope."

"I don't want people to go snoop in my mind!"

"Are you hiding something?"

"No...I have a phobia of being touched."

"Nice try."

END OF PREVIEW,


	3. Chapter 3

Note: Yeah...so this story doesn't get serious until like...chapters 8-10. Right now, I'm introducing Damian/Daichi. What his personality is, how he acts under certain circumstances. Things like that. So stay with me through this...Introducing Ark.

I forgot a chapter name for the last one. Sorry about that. Oh and no review replies since there wasn't enough reviews.

Chapter 3: Summons and Inoichi

（≧∇≦）

"This is a huge ass apartment..." I said as I walked in.

It was indeed huge. Like vacation home huge. My old apartment was never this big, despite me being a lawyer.

Shizune had left me a key to this home not a long time ago.

Must've gave me the wrong key. I went around the house, searching for my room and bathrooms.

Seeing my bedroom, I laid down on the queen sized bed, tired. Closing my eyes, I was slowly drifting off to sleep.

"Ew, he didn't even take a shower," I ignored the voice, laying on my side.

"I know right. He didn't even try to summon us to say hi."

Summon? I opened my eyes slowly, seeing two small pups...

Wolf pups?

"What the..." I was very tired, and I had to go to interrogations tomorrow.

"Do you recognize us?" One pup asked, moving towards me.

He had white fur with hints of grey.

"Yang, careful. He's temperamental, remember?" The other pup warned.

She had all black fur.

"He's okay, Yin-san. Right, Daichi-kun?" Yang, moved closer to me.

"Er...?" This must be a dream if wolf pups are talking to me.

But then again, Universe and Logic seems to screw with my life and head.

"Were your summons. Boss told us you had amnesia." Yang said sadly.

"Of course, he's already an idiot so having amnesia doesn't help." Yin said calmly.

I frowned, "I am not an idiot!"

"Whatever, Daichi-teme." Yin looked at me, smirking.

"We should go back, before boss finds us here." Yang said then he rubbed his head against my cheek.

I held back the urge to 'Awe', I had a huge soft spot for adorable animals.

"We'll get your memory back we promise!" Yang chirped and Yin nodded.

"Even idiots like you deserve a second chance." She eyed me before jumping out the window. Yang nodded in agreement, following after her.

Yin's comment made me feel awkward. Had she known I died in another world? And those were my summons? Does that mean I'm good at partner work and seals? Ugh, so many questions, yet to be answered.

Closing my eyes, I try to sleep again. Even with many questions attacking my brain.

（≧∇≦）

"Tsunade! I change my mind!" Panic rushed over me.

"Nope." I could practically see her amused smirk.

"But I don't want people snooping in my mind!"

"Are you hiding something?" Tsunade inquired.

"No...I have a phobia of being touched."

"Nice try," Tsunade scoffed as we walked into the Yamanaka compound.

"Hokage-sama!" A voice said behind us.

"Ah, Inoichi." Tsunade nodded.

"So this is the brat?" Inoichi scoffed.

Brat? For his information I'm a grown adult... I think. Anyway, that's not my point! I'm no brat. I may be annoying, but surely not a brat. So from now on, it's my job to annoy the hell out of him. Since I'm such a brat.

"Are you just going to stand there, brat?" Inoichi's gruff voice came from a distance.

"My name is Damian," I muttered to myself, "I mean Daichi." I caught up to Inoichi.

"So were are we going?" I asked casually.

"Are you always this annoying?" Inoichi sighed.

I bet I had the infamous anime sweat drop. I wasn't even trying to be annoying

"Jeez, someone has there panties in a twist." I said loud enough for him to hear. Inoichi sent me a glare, "Maybe Tsunade should have sent you to Ibiki."

Wow. I think i'm making this guy hate me.

"Dad!" A high-pitched voice from behind.

"Ino." He sounded like he didn't want to hear her right now.

Seeing Ino in person...she was hot. I always had a thing for blondes; my old girlfriend (the real world one) was a blonde and I loved her to bits.

"Who's that?" Ino asked Inoichi.

Inoichi sent me a look of disgust, "A brat I have to look over."

"Goddammit old man, my name is Daichi!" I said in frustration.

Ino looked me up and down, as if she was testing me.

Then she smiled, "I'm Ino. Nice to meet ya'."

"Same." I said.

"Well, I came to say I was opening the flower shop, it it was okay with you." Ino said to her father.

Inoichi nodded and smiled at his daughter, "Be safe." Ino nodded and waved goodbye. Once Ino was out of sight, I turned to Inoichi.

"Old man, you have a hot daughter." I smirked, annoying him.

"I'd watch what I'd say if I were you." Inoichi growled.

"I have a thing for platinum blondes. And she's really a cool girl after that one meeting." I smirked wider.

Inoichi's eyebrow twitched, "Let's go before I do something I might regret."

（≧∇≦）

Inoichi sat me down in a chair, which i might add looks like an electric chair, getting ready to look into my mind.

I'm a really calm person, but this, i was nervous to find something I don't even know about.

"This might hurt a bit, brat. Try to relax." Inoichi said as he placed his palm on my head.

Then I felt a cold sensation on my forehead, then it felt like a brain freeze, then it was a horrible pain. I gritted my teeth, this pain was the worst pain I had ever gone through.

Inoichi finally retrieved his hand, frowning. I let a sigh, a leftover headache. I noticed his look,

"A-Anything old man?"

"No. That's the disappointing part. I only know your age and your village. Your seventeen and came from Ame." He frowned deeper, "It's a good thing you remembered your name."

"What does this mean?" I asked.

"Either your brain has permanent damage or you had nothing to remember. The possibilities are endless. But we'll leave that to the medical-nin's."

"At least I'm not a spy." I grinned.

"Which is too bad. The things I could've done." Inoichi sighed in true disappointment.

"Never seen you as the S&M type, old man." I smirked wide.

"I think you should leave, brat."

（≧∇≦）

I sighed deeply in frustration. The sun was going down and I am lost in Konoha. Tsunade never came back for me, fending me on my own.

"Daichi?" I whipped my head around at my name.

"Ah, Sakura-chan." I smiled.

Sakura was a sweet girl, she had a feisty temper, but she was pretty and nice. Most people hate Sakura, but I found no reason to not like her, so I'm not going to bash her.

"What are you doing out here so late?" Sakura asked me.

"I would say the same for you." I said.

"Well, I was getting more kunai's. You know you meet our team tomorrow?" She said.

"Oh really? Time flies by so fast." I said sheepishly.

"Well, go home and get some rest." Sakura smiled.

She walked away, but turned slightly to look at me, "I look forward to it."

I raised an eyebrow, she totally wants me.

I got a cute chick that totally (not) wants me.

Thanks Universe.

But she probably still likes Sasuke.

Damn you Logic.

（≧∇≦）

Omake: Drinking Contest

Going to bars with Tsunade and Shizune were...interesting. They were total opposites. Tsunade wanted to get wasted while Shizune wanted to drink water.

"So, can you hold down your drink? Or are you soft?" Tsunade asked as we walked to the bar counter.

"Of course I can."

Now, I know what your thinking. Why is Tsunade taking a seventeen year old boy to a bar. Well, Inoichi never gave Tsunade the information to my mind trip.

"I think this cause for a drinking contest!" Tsunade announced.

"Your going down, granny." I smirked, sitting down.

"Bartender! Give us your strongest!" Tsunade said.

"Vodka it is!" The bartender replied.

He gave us the whole bottle, and two shot cups.

"Tsunade-hime," Shizune groaned.

We poured our glasses, smirking at each other.

"Go!"

I downed the liquid, loving the familiar burn in my throat.

"Not even a flinch, impressive." Tsunade grinned.

*Hours of drinking later*

"So...yeah...y-your going do-down." I slurred.

"I-In your d-dreams...rookie." Tsunade slurred back.

"That's enough." Shizune said to us.

"Let em' keep going." The man beside her, Genma said, "This kid got some guts." Tsunade's face turned a awful shade of green as she bent over and threw up.

"I-I won!" My last words before I passed out beside Tsunade.

Though my victory, my hangover will not be pretty.

（≧∇≦）

END.

Fast updating, eh? Well, I added an Omake because the chapter it's self was kinda short.

Preview of Next Chapter:

"Who is this granny?" Naruto asked, looking at me.

"A temporary." Tsunade replied,

"And didn't I tell you to stop calling me that."

"We got a combination of dickless and ugly. Naruto and Sakura combined." Sai sent me a fake smile.

All three of us glared at him.

"Who are you calling dickless?!" I yelled, I was outraged.

Kakashi sighed deeply, "Why must you give me another Naruto?"

END OF PREVIEW. Review please.


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